Fear in MAGAland

Mike Grant

A study I read out of the University of Washington listed seven key characteristics of MAGA followers, and I qualify for almost all of them.  In descending order of percentage they are:  White (almost 80%), Christian (type not defined), Male, Retired (just over 50%).  Just under 50% have income over $50K, and just a tad over 25% have college degrees.  I fall out of the norm on the last two because I’m a long way under 50K, and I do have a college degree, although I didn’t get one until I was over 50.

I think these numbers give me the right to talk about all the entities that are out to get us, and may want to do horrible things to our kids.  The list is necessarily condensed because it would take volumes to name all the people, organizations, and institutions that are determined to wreck our country (why so many want to live in a wrecked country is a topic for another day).  We have:  Democrats, Hollywood, Jews with space lasers, environmentalists, scientists, historians, professional educators, Muslims, most brown people, immigrants, gun control advocates, pro choice advocates, any non MAGAs who may want to vote, and purveyors of tofu and free range chickens.

I have a solution!!  We need to find a dyed-orange, washed-up reality television personality, scumbag- criminal real estate developer from NYC with the moral code, and the constitution of a cockroach, to vanquish these demons, and to lead us to the promised land.  I think the sewers of New York have spawned one and it wriggled down to Florida.  We just need to disenfranchise enough voters to slip that sucker into high office, and stand back and watch the show.